In the professional world, how you dress and communicate can make or break your success. Research shows that even subtle cues like clothing choices can sway people's trust and cooperation. But it doesn't stop there. How you handle disagreements and deliver tough news also shapes how others perceive you and your impact.
In this blog post we'll explore how your outfit can help you winning trust. We'll also learn how to change conflicts into teamwork and share difficult messages smoothly.
Get ready for some 4th part of my takeaways from Robert Cialdini's influence - The principle of liking. Learning about smart dressing and handling hard talks will improve your work skills. So, buckle up and let's dive in!
"When the experimenter was dressed in the same way as the student, the request was granted in more than two thirds of the instances; but when the student and requester were dissimilarly dressed, the dime was provided less than half the time."
Must a designer wear a business or creative attire to gain traction? Cialdini observed that attire influences compliance and trust. It's a strong reminder of the visual cues that guide our interactions and judgments. This reflection exposes the crucial role of appearance in building credibility and forging connections in professional settings.
Of course, it would be to little Tommy, not to a six-foot-two-inch graduate student, that Chris would look for the most relevant information about what he could or should do.
In my previous article, "The Influence of Social Proof in Professional Settings", I discussed our reliance on shortcuts to assess people. These shortcuts are not always accurate but are a common human trait. Cialdini's research supports this idea. People prefer those who seem familiar or who they believe understand them. Consider a senior colleague of mine. His thick-framed glasses and funky shirts made him appear 'creative'. In contrast, I wore concert T-shirts and Chuck Taylors. Despite being more skilled, I didn't fit the creative stereotype. My style was personal; I like music. This lead to clients trusting him more. His mere appearance met their creative expectations. Focusing on looks over skills is frustrating. It suggests clothes matter more than work. This can make it hard to show what you truly can do.
Simply put, as my friend Aaron says, "you don't want the way you dress to be a distraction, or have people think about it at all." Suppose you overcome this first hurdle. You then start to make people feel confident about you at first glance.
At a previous job, I faced challenges with a coworker who often disagreed with my work. They would criticise it without much explanation, requesting changes. This strained our relationship. Despite these difficulties, we both aimed to make things work. Our relationship remained strained due to cultural differences and communication issues. Yet, a shared challenge eventually brought us closer. Even the most challenging relationships can turn into partnerships under the right conditions. You must be ready to seize these opportunities.
These experiences highlight the complex nature of professional relationships. Typically, getting to know someone improves our opinion of them. However, discussing problems can sometimes have the opposite effect. It's crucial to be firm, positive, and culturally sensitive in stakeholder interactions. This approach strengthens work relationships without damaging professional ties. Such strategies suffice when dealing with opinionated, confident, and professional individuals. But what if that's not your situation?
"Cooperation is a powerful cause of liking."
We have all encountered dysfunctional individuals at work. These range from those who blame others to those who need constant attention and validation. Dealing with these personalities in the workplace can be draining. This is particularly true when their behaviour verges on the selfish and self-centred.
Reflecting on this reminds me of Robert Sutton's book, "The Asshole Survival Guide." A Stanford professor, Sutton offers techniques to avoid "unreasonable" people. Unfortunately, we often lack the luxury of choice. Like you, I've interacted with such individuals, with mixed results forging productive relationships.
Once, a difficult coworker, who often "played the system" and took everything personally, sought my support. I gave it willingly, being new to the organization and unaware of her intentions. Our interaction quickly became a burden, as we disagreed fundamentally in our value system. So, my role diminished to being a listening ear, while she disparaged right, left and centre. This activity was unproductive, time consuming and drove frustration. Despite the efforts, my only benefit was avoiding becoming her target. My trust waned when I saw her needs always came first, hurting goals, my boss, my direct team, and others.
Robert Sutton advises handling difficult people with intelligence. He recommends maintaining a purposeful, strategic distance to circumvent issues.
However, Cialdini believes working together increases liking, which seems contradictory to this notion. He suggests we should strive to find common ground, even with very difficult people. Which in turn can help build respect and understanding in the long run.
While this doesn't negate the emotional toll these interactions can take, it offers a glimmer of hope. Maybe the solution is to look for chances to work together on common goals, no matter how small. This could lead to a better working relationship. This method may not change everything, but it can reduce stress. It makes working together easier and less tiring.
"Although the familiarity produced by contact usually leads to greater liking, the opposite occurs if the contact carries distasteful experiences with it."
Thinking about Cialdini's quote above, I remember an important time early in my career. I worked with a friend who was also an introvert. His refused an unreasonable request from his boss right in front of me *, and that was a revelation to me. This event marked a turning point, teaching me the power of being assertive in professional settings. And henceforth being more reticent to work on technically flawed concepts. This transformation in my behaviour led many to mistakenly peg me as an extrovert.
CALLOUT: 🙊 | * Mexicans often avoid saying no to keep peace and be polite. This comes from valuing relationships and community unity. I've noticed this behaviour in various situations. Avoiding confrontation and keeping peace and good relationships is valued. Trust me. I was born in Mexico
However, being more outspoken has brought a few challenges. My experience tells me that people can sometimes view my honesty as negative. This can happen when I point out problems in projects, timelines or rebut a stakeholder's design direction. Speaking honestly seems to appeal more to technical experts and critical thinkers. But it's less effective with your average stakeholder. And as a result, this has had a negative effect in my relationship with these type of people.
I recall working with a challenging client who wanted a caravan park app. They often requested impossible tasks. I frequently pointed out flaws in their requests politely, which led to negative interactions, and at one point rudeness. One day, as I was working to get my project back on track and align the stakeholders, my boss messaged me. He wanted me to just agree with the client, regardless of how unreasonable their request was. Looking back, my boss was likely trying to support me in improving my relationship with the client or prevent further issues.
"There is a natural human tendency to dislike a person who brings us unpleasant information, even when that person did not cause the bad news."
Cialdini's point above reflects a common phenomenon I've seen at work. While engaging in difficult client conversations, it's good to have support. It's better to learn in the wild from communication experts, like Anthony or Steve. Their way of speaking, calm and full of buzzwords and buzzphrases, taught me an uncomfortable lesson. Language has a profound impact on how clients, or stakeholders perceive things. This ability, which is also discussed in "The Influence of Social Proof in Professional Settings", can enhance the perception of you as a leader. It can make a regular design talk seem insightful to business people.
Steve's and Anthony's charm, often made bad news sound positive. This echoes my past dealings where the challenge wasn't just the message but how it was conveyed. Drawing from my history, the caravan park scenario above remains a good example of this. Although I brought realism to unreasonable demands, my style often positioned me unfavourably.
What Cialdini's insight illuminates is the complexity of human interaction within professional settings. The natural aversion to bearers of bad news can be mitigated, somewhat, by how the message is framed. Steve and Anthony used charm created a positive atmosphere, even with sensitive topics. This shows the careful skill of influence. This indicates that not only what we say matters, but also how we say it. This implies the way we talk is just as important as what we say. Tone, speed, and word choice greatly affect how others see us and our relationships. It's about balancing honesty with diplomacy. A clear communication style, will help you turn friction into constructive dialogue.
"But on the other side of the coin, being connected with sunshine should do wonders for his popularity."
As I struggle my way to frame things positively, I've been known to be seen as optimistic. I've been told in more than one occasion I light up the rooms I enter. And being linked to sunshine, can greatly improve how people are influenced by you. The most influential period in my life was at a startup. The startup's CEO even pointed it out several times. This was genuine. It wasn't just making bad situations seem positive. It was about staying positive, excited, and even humorous, especially when things didn't go as expected. It's a careful act. It involves recognising the situation's reality and finding any humorous silver linings. Albeit, in my case with harmless well natured sarcasm and irony most of the time. This strategy makes bad news easier to take. It also makes one more likeable, creating a more open and collaborative atmosphere.
Now, if being a sun can make you influential, imagine what you could do if you were part of a constellation.
"The principle of association is a general one, governing both negative and positive connections. An innocent association with either bad things or good things will influence how people feel about us."
During my master's degree, I personally felt the strong principle of association. During my time at CMU, I met Alvaro, who would go on to become an ambassador for his country. He was well liked and respected by both the faculty and the student body. I didn't quite care for him at the time. Once I attended a presentation he gave, and offered unsolicited feedback afterwards. This not only taught me the value of constructive critique. Being honest with him earned me his friendship and elevated my social standing among people that respected and liked him. Similarly, as a UX and Design Manager at the startup above, being honest with the CEO increased my influence. Then the CEO's support boosted my authority and impact, showing the importance of connecting with leadership. As an Australian design executive would put it: "Don't be afraid to talk to 'important' people based on their role.
These experiences highlight Cialdini's association principle. Connecting with respected or influential people can boost your own influence. It also makes you more likable. This shows the power of association. This is not about using others for gain. It's about creating real bonds over common values and mutual respect. It's important to strategically spin our communications positively before stakeholders. It shows others a positive work attitude, ethic, and proactivity. How we behave can have a huge influence in our career path and professional development. But we can't be expected to be always sunshine. Can we?
"[Pavlov] showed that he could get an animal's typical response to food (salivation) to be directed toward something irrelevant to food (a bell) merely by connecting the two things in the animal's mind."
According to Cialdini once perceptions are formed, they become a blueprint for expectations. Being known for my light-heartedness and humor, I'm often a source of joy in professional settings. However, a constant cheerful image has its difficulties. Especially when moments of frustration or seriousness occur. Breaking the usual pattern, could lead to allies feeling estranged.
The downside of constant positivity became apparent when I became the target of jokes, a result of excessive familiarity. This revealed a less cheerful side of me. This inconsistency affected my self-esteem and how others treated me, sometimes leading to a minor chaos. On the other hand, my lively presence was so appreciated it became the cultural expectation in the office's environment. My mood greatly influenced the overall atmosphere.
This situation shows how association and consistency affect how people see us. My unintentional role as a morale booster was influential and rewarding. It is now a superpower. Yet, it made staying genuine a challenge. Balancing this persona with the need for genuine expression of a wider range of emotions has been a learning curve. A reminder that while relationships can increase our influence, they require careful balance. We must keep consistent and allow for all human emotions. This balance is crucial.
